Forgiveness. That is what I wish to ponder today. Is it real or just a noble concept? Personally, I don’t get it but am trying. Does is make the world a better place or does it just give the offended the illusion of control and composure after being wronged? My mentor once said that I would find a world without forgiveness a lonely world indeed. I am alone and think forgiveness will not change this. My first impression was that forgiveness would be a viscous downward and addicting spiral. That is, those that forgive would find themselves needing to forgive more and more as people would perceive the habitual forgiver as a pushover and an easy target. But what would one do if they knew they would be the subject to 10x rebuttal if they wronged me? I would not need to forgive and would not be wronged. Harsh but is keeps the status quo, it keeps peace, and no one is crossed.
I did promise that I would try new things and entertain all concepts as I set out to discover myself. Thus, I am obliged to experiment with forgiveness. Vaessen fell from a window as we rescued a pack of reckless children from a burning house. He suffered a bruise and a singed eyebrow but hobbled over to me, put on a good show, and asked for healing. Like the house, I burned inside but found a way to push aside my anger and temporarily forgive him. I healed what a good night’s rest would have done, Did it help, did I feel better? On contrary, I felt as if a part of me died—the fire is out but I have not a home left as if I betrayed myself by ignoring my instincts. Maybe that part will be reborn after the baptism by forgiveness. What manner of Akhil will emerge? I know not, but it will be one who knows more about life and about himself.
Until then, it will be an uphill battle. As my anger simmers below the surface, and my magical knowledge enhances my powers, confusion mounts. I now have the ability to heal with a spell that once caused damage. If I ever find myself able to damage with a spell that once healed there will be chaos in my head.
Other than that, we made it to Laurander at long last. The kid was returned to his rightful family, and met Letsu at the school, and Miriam—poor Lem’s love. Soon we will embark on a wild goose chase after one of the 5 wizards. Anson is a guide who knows more. More likely, he is hitman hired by Gressen. I’ll be on guard for fishy activity as this whole situation reeks of a setup or a potential setup. Hell, I’m here because I was paid to leave Osena (not a bad deal) and to try some wine in Laurander—must have wanted me out of town really bad. That reminds me, I need to talk to Joe about the incident with the book. Duty, that’s what we’ll talk about. Until then I’ll need to reconsider my actions around Joe. WTFWJD (what the fck would Joe do? I’ll have to ask myself that when contemplating any risky action in public. Baa, the things I brook.